Sunday, February 11, 2007

"When I'm Old I Shall Grow Curly"

He's getting grumpier and more cantankerous as he gets older. He'll opt to disobey the occasional basic rule just because it suddenly makes less sense to him, and he wants another little chance to 'stick it to the man' to get even for a youth of unquestioning obedience.

Who am I talking about? Could be any number of people I guess, including somebody you know. It definitely includes two that I know: myself, and my facial hair.

After years of wet shaving I switched to an electric shaver a few years ago. Any man who's tried both will tell you that nothing can match a wet shave for closeness, but that an electric shaver is good enough (if you take your time with it) and much more convenient and less hassle.

Whether in slow reply to this switch or whether, as suggested above, just because they're getting older and grumpier with me, my whiskers have started behaving badly. They start off by growing out as they've always done, but then they stubbornly launch off in any direction they choose other than straight out, more often than not with the effect that they "lie down" on my skin, reclining in safety where the foil of my shaver can't pick them up and lop off their heads. Even worse, once they're supine their new-found propensity to curl opens up an entirely new opportunity for them: "Hey I know, let's grow back into his face just for a laugh!" They're "Grumpy Old Hairs" alright, and they're getting back at me for all those years of being controlled.

My shave now takes twice as long as it used to because, after the shaver has done its level best, I have to attack these wrinkly rebels with a pair of tweezers, painfully yanking out the ringleaders by the root.

"I'll show you who's in charge!"

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