Conversation / Conversation

:-) Party Talk
I attend a lot of parties here, much more than when we were in the UK. I guess the main reason is that there are a lot of parties going on, but it's also because I'm very popular. :-)

I've never been very comfortable engaging in small talk with people I don't know very well, so this recent social activity has forced me to work on my conversation skills so that I have something interesting to say, while avoiding boring people to death.

A good conversation is a roughly equal exchange in which both / all parties are interesting and interested in the other(s). I want to come away from it having learned something about the other person while they too have learned something about me, and ideally both our perspectives on life are modified a little from hearing what the other person has to say, no matter how small the change.

It feels nice when others show an interest in me and my life (as long as it is sincere), and I, like anyone I suppose, like to talk about myself. The trick is to tell a little then return the favour. In this way both parties feel interesting and interested, and time can fly by.

I've met some very interesting, bright, lively people since moving to Riyadh, people whom I would never had had the chance to meet in the UK. People who have lived all over the World, who have fought in recent conflicts, who have met Presidents, Prime Ministers and Royalty, and people whose job it is to protect others.

Party conversation doesn't come naturally to me so I have to work at it, but it's worth the effort.


:-( Bores
Who's the most interesting person in the World? Why, Me of course! Don't we all think that? Sure, we admire friends, teachers, movie stars and politicians, but deep down the person we care most about is ourselves. Isn't it natural therefore to want to tell the world how interesting you are? Of course it is. However, for you to be able to hold a good conversation you have to acknowledge that, while really you know you're the most interesting one in the exchange, the other person mistakenly believes he or she is, so in order not to turn them off asking more questions about you (which is what you want) you have to stop talking about how great you are and let them have a go once in a while.

A Bore does not have this awareness. A Bore knows they are the most interesting and thinks everyone else around the table agrees with them. They're wrong, very wrong. How can people be so self-centered and insensitive? Is there more to it than plain insensitivity and egotism? Maybe people become Bores as a symptom of some unpleasant past experience. Maybe it's a defence/coping mechanism for some hang-up. I don't really care, I just want them to shut up and recognize that there are other people in the room. True, you may be able to make your excuses and "mingle", but it isn't always that easy to get away, and it can ruin a night out for me to get stuck with a Bore all evening.

Bores don't have to be boring people who have boring jobs, that's not the point. I'm not judging anyone's life to be boring. What's boring is they never shut up about it. Uh-oh, just felt a sting of self-consciousness: isn't "talking about onesself incessantly" what defines blogging? Oh my God, I've just realised that, in blogging, I'm likely to exhibit Bore behaviour. I'll try to minimize that but, essentially, Bloody Marvellous and Neal Of Arabia are all about my favourite subject... Me.

Want to turn this monologue into a conversation? Leave a comment.

I'll start:
"So, where are you going on holiday next year?"